Father’s Day Lessons


For Father’s Day, I helped my son pick out a card (he wanted the one with a cut-out airplane gliding across the front). I also took him to the store to pick out a little gift for his Dad. I explained that we had a budget he had to stay within, and that we could only buy one thing, but otherwise, it was completely up to him to select what he wanted for his Dad.

When we got home, I cut the wrapping paper that he picked and handed him each piece of tape so he could wrap the gift himself. I spelled out the words for him that he wanted to write on the card. He was so stinkin’ proud of his work, he just knew his Dad was going to love it.

A few weeks before Father’s Day, I started talking with my son about what the day means and why we celebrate our fathers. I asked him to think about 5 nice things he could say that would make his Dad smile, then we recited them together.

The day before Father’s Day, I asked him to add one thing to the list that he could do for his Dad. He picked “give him the strongest hug in the world.” He also asked to buy his Dad’s favorite cookies at the grocery store, and a special one that had “Awesome Dad” scrawled across the front in blue icing. So we did.

I helped him pack the goodies into his “Going to Daddy’s house” bag. He beamed with pride, he was soooooo excited to show his Daddy.

As I sent him out the door that day, I reminded him of the nice things he thought of to say and how much Daddy loves his hugs, and I sent him on his way, bag in hand.

I stood back and watched from the window as he had his Dad unpack the bag in my driveway. He just couldn’t wait another second!

His father and I don’t talk, we don’t really even look at each other anymore. Honestly, I hate him. But I love our son, and watching him really understand the meaning behind this special day and feeling proud of himself for coming up with such thoughtful ways to show his appreciation for his Dad, well, it’s worth it.



942 Days Later, I’m Divorced

942 days.serendipity

942 days ago it felt like my world came crashing down on me. From that day on, the life I had built over the previous 8 years of marriage would no longer be the life I would be living.

Well, my life would be the same. But my “world” wouldn’t be.

Life is what we experience each time we take a breath, when we feel alive just from looking into our children’s eyes or feeling their breath on our skin.

Life is literally every breath — the beginning and the end.

The world we live in, it’s what surrounds us, what we choose to do with our life (and some of what is chosen for us).

We don’t control life. We do control the world around us — the immediate environment we live in, who inhabits it, who we interact with, where we go, what we do for work, how we spend our time.

942 days ago, when my husband decided that the world we had built together was no longer what he wanted, it crushed me. But my life went on.

I was grateful to be alive and capable of creating an improved world for myself and my son. Just the year before, I was scared that I would die of cancer and leave my son motherless.

Maybe shedding a partner who was never capable of being there for me would be a blessing in the end.

Turns out, it was.

I found it was easier to breathe without him, after the initial sadness and anger passed. I realized how difficult it had been to be married to him, how hard I worked to keep my marriage intact. I just kept going because I didn’t realize I had a choice. I embraced the suck.

You don’t really learn who a person is until you divorce them. Shit got scary around here.

I would have preferred a more graceful period of battle, and a more reasonable, amicable 365-day wait on that whole divorce and custody battle aspect.

But now that we will finally be officially and legally and actually divorced?

It feels good, the finality of it.

I hope nothing happens to the judge before I get to the court house today.

If one more delay or snowstorm, or legal technicality pushes this out any more days… well I’ll suck it up and keep counting I guess.

Life goes on 😉