Apology

apology

My ex never apologized to me.

When I think about that, it still makes my blood boil.

Don’t get me wrong, my life is amazing.

I’m happily divorced. If that’s a thing.

It was hard at first, but it got easier, then every aspect of my life got sweeter as time went by.

I love my life, I love my new partner, my son is happy, life is good.

But my ex still parents with me like everything is my fault. Like I’m the one who walked out the door with no plan. Like just because he found a nice girlfriend and flexible job and he wants everything to magically change to 50/50 and “fair” and “equal”, he should have it.

Life doesn’t work that way, and in our specific case, that’s not what’s best for our son, so co-parenting for us doesn’t work that way (or at all really?).

So here I am, left dealing with an ex who never apologized, refuses to take any responsibility for his part in our situation, and still continues to blame me for everything that happens.

Yep. Everything. No exaggeration needed.

Our son’s lunchbox is missing?
>>>>>> I’m a liar.

A school form was not scanned and sent to Dad?
>>>>> I’m a shitty Mom who should enjoy my hell.

I ask to borrow our son’s extra pair of soccer socks left at Dad’s house?
>>>> I’m a lazy mom who should do more laundry (and no, we can’t borrow his socks).

And on and on it goes. It doesn’t really matter what the context is. The only answers are (a) It’s my fault and (b) I did it intentionally to cause my ex harm because I’m a horrible person.

What’s funny (not haha funny) is that literally, my ex is the only person who knows me who would say anything negative about me as a mother.

How does that not just blow his mind?

I suppose because he probably never thinks about it.

He doesn’t consider how many people his behavior and bad choices have affected personally over the years. He doesn’t consider how many people – from family (both sides), friends, medical professionals, school staff, and others, who have witnessed him being a less than stellar person and father, first hand.

I know my ex loves our son. But love alone does not make someone a good parent.

And let’s get real. Everything is my fault.

He cheated because I wasn’t a good enough wife. It’s all my fault.

He lied because I was too difficult to talk to. Blame me for that.

He left because his life, a life most people would be grateful to live, didn’t make him happy. That’s my fault too.

If it weren’t for me, his life would be perfect.

What do I know. Maybe now his life is perfect, except he has to deal with me.

And as much as he wants to deflect his guilt, anger, and blame?

I’m not taking it on.

People who act the way he does don’t really change. They just get better at hiding the parts of themselves they don’t want others to see.

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