I always knew I’d be a soccer mom. Sans minivan soccer mom that is. And last month, gearing up for futsal (indoor soccer) season, I found myself Googling “How are soccer shin guards supposed to fit?”

Turns out the six or so inches of shin my long-legged kid had exposed meant he’d outgrown his from the last field soccer season. So I ordered a youth medium (thanks, Amazon Prime!), except the medium was also too small, so then I ordered a youth large and we achieved the recommended amount of shin space that should be covered by the guards.

Fast forward to Spring season. Enter ice hockey.

I was rather surprised my son wanted to play. Ice hockey is hard as there’s a lot of coordination to master. But he begged to play, so I enrolled him in this awesome program the NHL does called Learn to Play. It’s a season of lessons for new players and they throw in head-to-toe gear, for free. That’s a huge savings for parents!

Today, the Google answer was “Boys aged five and up, reaching 4 feet 6 inches and 80 pounds should wear a cup 1 3/4 inches in depth.”

Yep, the Google question over lunch break today was “how to buy your son a cup”, which he refers to as a “penis protector”. As in, Hey Mom, can you please buy me a penis protector?

Next I suppose I’ll need to Google how to teach your son to wear an athletic supporter”. I did ask my boyfriend, hoping he would save me some time and add some giggles. He replied that it was very simple – you just strap it on.

Whatever it takes. Bring on the hockey. Momma’s got this!