I didn’t realize I was married to a narcissist until I divorced one. Click over to YourTango to read how I learned to deal with the narcissist in my life, through divorce and co-parenting. You can’t change a narcissist, but you can protect yourself from the havoc they wreak on your life:
How To Put A Narcissist In Their Place In 5 SUPER-Simple Steps
Life once seemed so simple
It was never easy, never dull
Grappling with the drama that’s been infused into my life
Despite my best efforts to deflect
It feels like my energy is wasted
Accept it, take it on, I tell myself
Adjust to it
Messy is your new reality
Like it or not, it’s yours
Here to stay, it’s not going anywhere
Possibly it could go from messy to super messy
Best case scenario
But the simplicity of marriage, of raising a child in one home has slipped beyond anyone’s grasp
Messy was what was always to come
Embracing it is likely the only way through
When you can’t run
I struggle to find the right words
Attempting to describe how this cruel world works sometimes
To a five-year-old
I want to shelter him
But he is wise beyond his years
I want to coddle him
Usually, he lets me
How do you explain to a little boy how his father broke your heart
Left you to pick up the pieces of your life
Put it back together again?
Show him how to build a more fulfilling, meaningful life filled with love
How do you explain to him that although he may have a fun daddy, and one who loves him, he’s not a good father in the true sense of the word?
You just do your best to answer his questions
Knowing that the understanding will come later
When he’s older
And figures it out for himself
How did I get here
To this place I don’t even recognize
This is so-called co-parenting?
Our interactions make me feel trapped
Like I’m in a cage with a wild animal
Backed up against the wall with nowhere to go
He is the beast
Except I am the one who appears wild
Enraged, my heart ablaze
It’s not a place of anger these carnal feelings come from
First he lost my diamond ring
Next, he lost his mind
He knew what he was doing the whole time
I didn’t marry a man who would stand by my side.
Not realizing it at the time, we were both so young, he was not the man I hoped he would be, one who would be there for me, no matter what.
When the going got tough, he disappeared.
I made excuses for him, and I grew stronger because I had to.
When I needed him most, he was unavailable.
Even when he was there, he wasn’t actually there.
I told myself I would never make the same mistake again.
And I haven’t.
We all deserve to be with someone who understands us, someone who truly listens and loves us for who we are, not for who they want us to be.
It goes both ways.
Uncertainty in life can be scary.
Divorce has added up to be a lot of uncertainty. I don’t think I expected that, at least not to this degree.
I was talking with someone close to me the other day about the uncertainty of divorce and how scary it feels to not know where I will be next month, let alone next year, and he said something that was so wise and reflective.
He said, “Well, you need something to do next year anyways.”
I like the promise that underlies that statement.