Messy Mantra

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Life once seemed so simple

It was never easy, never dull

But simple

Grappling with the drama that’s been infused into my life

Despite my best efforts to deflect

It feels like my energy is wasted

Accept it, take it on, I tell myself

Adjust to it

Messy is your new reality

Like it or not, it’s yours

Here to stay, it’s not going anywhere

Possibly it could go from messy to super messy

Best case scenario

But the simplicity of marriage, of raising a child in one home has slipped beyond anyone’s grasp

Messy was what was always to come

Embracing it is likely the only way through

When you can’t run

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Bear

A photo by Thomas Lefebvre. unsplash.com/photos/aRXPJnXQ9lUHow did I get here

To this place I don’t even recognize

This is so-called co-parenting?

Our interactions make me feel trapped

Like I’m in a cage with a wild animal

Backed up against the wall with nowhere to go

He is the beast

Except I am the one who appears wild

Enraged, my heart ablaze

It’s not a place of anger these carnal feelings come from

It’s fear

 

Adrift

compass

Balanced on my board,

I use my paddle to keep me steady

Even keeled, I try to be

The wind gusts

I guess at least 12 knots

Instead of fighting it,

I let it steer my direction

It’s fruitless to resist it anyway

Glancing back toward the shore from which I came,

I start to draw parallels of my life

It’s easy to see a straight line,

from Point A to Point B,

in hindsight

But life isn’t as simple as it appears to be

Even out on the water

Story to Tell

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I have a story to tell, one of strength and sorrow

I’ve started it in my head more times than I can count

Even tried to write some of it down a time or two

It never comes out the way I imagine

 

It’s long, complicated, and difficult to know where to begin

My story is so much more than a failed marriage,

and working mother anecdotes

It’s how I became who I am

Yet instead of writing about it, I stall