Dear Sh*tty Wives,

dear shitty wives

Here’s sh*t I see wives do in their marriages that needs to stop: If you constantly berate your husband, find it a chore to have sex with him, and cause fights to get attention, then this advice is for you. 

Click over to YourTango.com to read more….

Dear Sh*tty Wives: This Is Your Wake Up Call

10 Comments That (Eventually) Led Me to Divorce

backtoyou

The following are pretty close-to-actual comments made by my ex-husband before the ex part came to be….

  1. “I wouldn’t have to lie to you if you didn’t make me feel ashamed of everything I do.”
  2. “Sex is not about intimacy or emotion for me, it’s just physical.”
  3. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up from surgery, I had to check on work and got stuck there for an hour. You understand, right, I mean you were under anesthesia anyways.”
  4. “Do I think you look pretty in that dress? Um, well, I think all women are pretty, so it’s really not an individual matter.”
  5. “I didn’t mean to get drunk and pee on your sister while she was sleeping, it won’t happen again.”
  6. “I worry about you getting hurt and me having to push you around in a wheelchair for the rest of our lives.”
  7. “I don’t think I was ever truly in love with you.”
  8. “But she’s a lesbian – it can’t be considered an emotional affair if she has a girlfriend! And I don’t even remember those emails, so it doesn’t count!”
  9. “I didn’t realize how unacceptable my sexual affair with my employee was because you were still willing to talk to me, so I thought it was ok.”
  10. “I don’t know what happened to your diamond engagement ring.”

In closing, you know what they say abut hindsight and organizing your thoughts into lists.

I Dreamt of Infidelity

dreamcatcher

I would wake up in a panic, soaked in my own sweat, gasping for air.

Every night, for months on end, I dreamt of her, the other woman, with my husband.

It felt like my punishment for not being the perfect wife he wanted.

My imagination and fear filled in any missing details, to the point where nothing could hurt me more.

I dreamt that he was still with her, and I was the only moron left on the planet not to know. I dreamt of how it would have felt to punch him in the face when he told me about the affair, instead of stuffing my anger deep down inside, haunting me in the darkest hours of night.

The saddest part is that even awake, I was living my nightmare.

Day in, day out. No reprieve, except the idea that I could eventually leave it all behind.

Flawed

engagement ringI remember when he proposed, almost ten years ago. I was afraid to say yes, but I did.

I can recall the morning of our wedding, feeling so unsure, scared. I was young, I thought it was normal, cold feet and all.

On our honeymoon, I cried. A lot. I blamed exhaustion. I mean do couples really have sex on the first night of their honeymoon? Oh, right, I guess some people do.

Our marriage was flawed, but whose wasn’t, I rationalized. We said vows, we loved each other, we would work it out.

It wasn’t until I was in my early 30’s that I started seriously questioning my husband’s integrity as a man and his commitment to our marriage. But that only made me try harder. I loved him, I was happy (or so I thought).

Wasn’t that enough?

No. I learned the answer is no. It is not enough.

When my husband left me and we agreed to divorce, it felt like the ground beneath my feet crumbled.

Friends and family kept telling me I was going to be ok, that I was strong enough to get past it.

I believed in their words and accepted their love and support. They were right. I did get through it and came out with an incredible sense of clarity about my marriage.

I let go of my love, I let go of the anger (somewhat). I made the commitment to myself to be happy. That was my biggest struggle toward the end of my marriage—all I wanted was to be happy with the man I married. But he didn’t want the same thing, so what’s a girl to do.

It didn’t matter how hard I tried because you can’t make someone else happy, and you can’t make someone else try.

I don’t regret it though.

My marriage taught me that unless I gave my all, unless I strived to live my life with no regrets, that I wouldn’t truly be satisfied and clarity wouldn’t exist because in its place would lie wonder, doubt, curiosity.

Wave of Sadness

wavesplashThe sadness will come and go, this I know.

I allow myself to feel the full weight of it.

Feel it pressing me down farther than where I want to be.

Just like the past, I ride the waves of emotion, let them wash over me and serve as reminders of what my life once was, and the dreams I had for our lives together.

But I will not allow the waves to knock me over. I wipe away the tears, push the sadness to the back of my mind, and try to be more present in the moment.

We will be parents, we may even be friends again, one day, but what once was can never be again. Accepting that isn’t easy, and it’s not quick. It’s a process.

The nights are the hardest. It’s when I miss him the most. I want to reach for him, but he’s not there.

It’s lonely here, alone with my thoughts. I wonder why he couldn’t love me.

Surely there is something wrong with him. That’s easier than thinking there is something wrong with me, that I am unloveable.

I feel our love, our lives, slip right through my fingers.

I am helpless to stop the loss because I can’t do it alone anymore.

The weight of it is too much.

So I try to roll with it, to let it go bit-by-bit.

Not Enough

sadnessYou didn’t love me enough not to hurt me in this way

I should have known better

It’s not like I ever really trusted you anyway

I tried

But you kept lying

I had so much doubt

I was full of it, for good reason

I loved you as best I could

You didn’t love me enough

I wasn’t enough for you

Yet really, I was too much for you

Men who love their wives

Don’t fall for other women

You fell for her because you didn’t keep your heart full of me

My love was wasted on you

A man who is too much of a fool to see just how good he had it

Life is what we make it

You’ll see

Gone & Good Riddance

plane take offYou left again.

Walked out the door, leaving your wife and child behind in tears.

I know you won’t be coming back this time.

I want it this way.

In this moment, I truly never want to see you again.

I know it’s not my fault. I do know this.

After all, no one tried harder than me to fix what was broken.

If nothing else, that’s something you can’t take from me.

Everyone knows how hard I tried.

The same cannot be said for you.

I know all this, yet I am still ashamed.

You couldn’t love me for who I am, because who I am is too much for you.

So you walked away.

Before you left, you tried to make me small so you could feel big.

I let you.

Until I just couldn’t lose myself in you anymore.

Who am I without you?

Whoever I want to be, no longer encumbered by the depths of you.