Divorce Free Fall

tree

Yearning to gain control over my life

Fighting for some semblance of it at least

It can’t be what it was before, I know this and welcome the resulting challenges

This feels like a free fall

I grasp for anything to pad my inevitable tumble to the bottom

I spread out my arms, reach for branches, try to grab and hold on for dear life

Determination does not hold a strong enough power over the sheer exhaustion of it all

Balanced by tip toe on a small hold, I have to let go once again, I can’t endure any longer

If I keep boomeranging this way, what will be left of me when I get to the end, I wonder?

Scattered

spinning.jpg

My thoughts are so scattered

I just want to cry

I can’t gain focus

My head is spinning

I shift from one thing to the next

Reaching, wanting, just needing something to be done,

to check it off the list,

to feel like I have done something,

that there is order

Spin, spin, spin

Repeat

Nothing gets done

I turn the volume up

Wanting the music to crowd out the noise in my head

Fail

The thoughts persist

Scattered as they are,

scattered they remain

Coup de Foudre

green plant

 

 

 

 

 

 

So lonely

My heart aches

A void to fill

An empty space

Wanting, yearning

Oh so much

For this to be more

Than just lust

So lonely

Everything feels so far away

I don’t want one more day to be wasted feeling this way

I say, I think, I don’t need rescuing

But what I really mean is

Be right, be real, be meant for me

And please, come rescue me

Disillusioned with Love

dissapearingcitygirlWhat is love, he asks

If it as pure and true

As she proclaims

Then how can it disappear

In a matter of days

Vanished

Ponder

He’s left to wonder

The other wanders

Further, further

She puts distance between them

An effort to protect her heart

Not quite knowing

No longer trusting

Doubting what is good and true

She reflects

Inward

There’s comfort there

In this space

She’s come to know so well

And so she stays

Inside her shell

For now

Fierce Heart

rosesI love fiercely

Often giving too freely

of myself.

In the hands

of the wrong person,

pieces of my heart

break apart.

I gave and gave.

And it wasn’t enough.

Still, he wanted more.

To the point I reached

where I had nothing left to give.

So I closed my heart off,

Saved myself from him.

It won’t stop me

from loving again.

Perhaps it should,

but it won’t.

Nothing can stop

this fierce heart of mine

from loving

and being loved.