Here’s sh*t I see wives do in their marriages that needs to stop: If you constantly berate your husband, find it a chore to have sex with him, and cause fights to get attention, then this advice is for you.
Click over to YourTango.com to read more….
relationships
Insignificant He Will Be
Disengage
Repeat
Breathe in
Breathe out
Repeat
He can’t hurt you
If you don’t let him
Insignificant
He needs to become
Insignificant
In my mind
Accept the anger
You have every reason
To feel this way
But disengage
He doesn’t need to know
How insignificant he will become
Meet Me in Denver
“As if dating in real life isn’t complicated enough, enter the myriad subtleties of online dating. Tinder, eHarmony, Match — what’s a single mother to do? “
IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Flew Across the Country for a Second Date with a Guy I Met Online
Yep, I did that. I flew to Denver to meet a guy for our second date. Then I wrote about it on xoJane.com (spoiler alert: I did not get murdered).
Was it impulsive? You bet. But my experience taught me that it’s possible to have fun and even find love dating online, while still being responsible and safe.
For the record, I did determine this guy was who he said he was before I agreed to meet him, and I was suspicious about his marital status, but he checked out, at least from what I could find online.
Also for the record, I did not have sex with him. Seriously, I wasn’t ready, and we discussed boundaries before agreeing to meet. To his credit, he was respectful in every regard. And for the Audi doubters in the xoJane comments section, check this out.
Coup de Foudre
So lonely
My heart aches
A void to fill
An empty space
Wanting, yearning
Oh so much
For this to be more
Than just lust
So lonely
Everything feels so far away
I don’t want one more day to be wasted feeling this way
I say, I think, I don’t need rescuing
But what I really mean is
Be right, be real, be meant for me
And please, come rescue me
“Timing, That’s Often It”
I met someone.
Tall and handsome, he charmed me right into saying yes to a date.
The moment our eyes locked when we sat down together on our first date, I could feel the chemistry between us.
We talked for hours and with each story we exchanged, we grew closer.
We left the bar and went for a walk. He offered me his jacket.
We stopped at a grand marble staircase.
“Would you like to sit?” he asks.
“Yes!”
So we sit. And not much time passes before he kisses me.
He kisses me and my breath falls away.
I am so absorbed in the sweetness of his kiss that I literally have to stop.
I press my hand to his chest, gently, and pull back to look into his eyes and I breathe again.
I lean in for another.
He touches my face, my neck, I can feel him breathe in my scent, his tongue is doing this thing, and it’s amazing.
It’s as though his kisses have overwhelmed my senses and none of it adds up.
How could a first kiss feel like that? So powerful, so intense.
It feels like my entire universe lights on fire, like the earth beneath us has shifted and in this moment absolutely nothing makes sense, yet everything makes sense, and it doesn’t matter.
I wasn’t expecting this.
I wasn’t expecting him.
Had he not kissed me, I probably would have left our first date happy, content, looking forward to another.
But this?
The sheer timing of it has left me questioning everything.
Anew
Does anyone ever really “start new”?
We all have a past, habits we’d rather not, a history that makes us who we are.
Starting new is a fallacy. Starting over, beginning again may be better descriptors.
We cannot move forward if we are still stuck in the past. The challenge is navigating the boundaries of where one ends and the other begins, and arriving at the optimal balance.
Maintaining who we are, staying grounded in our values, beliefs, our faith. Those are parts of ourselves that move on with us.
Letting go of insecurities, releasing ourselves from fear, trusting that we can jump and will be ok, these are not easy.
Changing the parts of ourselves we know we should, those require work, dedication, but it’s not as hard because it requires you to have faith in yourself, in your own abilities.
It’s trusting others, the ones who join you on this path.
That’s the hardest part when the place you came from is heartbreak.
Flawed
I remember when he proposed, almost ten years ago. I was afraid to say yes, but I did.
I can recall the morning of our wedding, feeling so unsure, scared. I was young, I thought it was normal, cold feet and all.
On our honeymoon, I cried. A lot. I blamed exhaustion. I mean do couples really have sex on the first night of their honeymoon? Oh, right, I guess some people do.
Our marriage was flawed, but whose wasn’t, I rationalized. We said vows, we loved each other, we would work it out.
It wasn’t until I was in my early 30’s that I started seriously questioning my husband’s integrity as a man and his commitment to our marriage. But that only made me try harder. I loved him, I was happy (or so I thought).
Wasn’t that enough?
No. I learned the answer is no. It is not enough.
When my husband left me and we agreed to divorce, it felt like the ground beneath my feet crumbled.
Friends and family kept telling me I was going to be ok, that I was strong enough to get past it.
I believed in their words and accepted their love and support. They were right. I did get through it and came out with an incredible sense of clarity about my marriage.
I let go of my love, I let go of the anger (somewhat). I made the commitment to myself to be happy. That was my biggest struggle toward the end of my marriage—all I wanted was to be happy with the man I married. But he didn’t want the same thing, so what’s a girl to do.
It didn’t matter how hard I tried because you can’t make someone else happy, and you can’t make someone else try.
I don’t regret it though.
My marriage taught me that unless I gave my all, unless I strived to live my life with no regrets, that I wouldn’t truly be satisfied and clarity wouldn’t exist because in its place would lie wonder, doubt, curiosity.
Wave of Sadness
The sadness will come and go, this I know.
I allow myself to feel the full weight of it.
Feel it pressing me down farther than where I want to be.
Just like the past, I ride the waves of emotion, let them wash over me and serve as reminders of what my life once was, and the dreams I had for our lives together.
But I will not allow the waves to knock me over. I wipe away the tears, push the sadness to the back of my mind, and try to be more present in the moment.
We will be parents, we may even be friends again, one day, but what once was can never be again. Accepting that isn’t easy, and it’s not quick. It’s a process.
The nights are the hardest. It’s when I miss him the most. I want to reach for him, but he’s not there.
It’s lonely here, alone with my thoughts. I wonder why he couldn’t love me.
Surely there is something wrong with him. That’s easier than thinking there is something wrong with me, that I am unloveable.
I feel our love, our lives, slip right through my fingers.
I am helpless to stop the loss because I can’t do it alone anymore.
The weight of it is too much.
So I try to roll with it, to let it go bit-by-bit.
Beyond the Now
My days are foggy. Like haze and all things heavy.
I am light, as measured by pounds on a scale. And yet…
It’s deceiving because I don’t feel anything but weighted, weighed down by my situation, the uncertainty of it all.
My heart is solid rock. My mind a gauzy tangled web.
I wish to see beyond the now. I want a glimpse of the happiness that is on the other side.
I know it’s too soon to be past it. Grief and sorrow don’t move that fast, even for me.
Yet still I wish for a hint of what’s to come, a sense of what possibilities can unfold.
Just a peek of what’s next, a tiny glimmer of hope to get me through.
Gone & Good Riddance
You left again.
Walked out the door, leaving your wife and child behind in tears.
I know you won’t be coming back this time.
I want it this way.
In this moment, I truly never want to see you again.
I know it’s not my fault. I do know this.
After all, no one tried harder than me to fix what was broken.
If nothing else, that’s something you can’t take from me.
Everyone knows how hard I tried.
The same cannot be said for you.
I know all this, yet I am still ashamed.
You couldn’t love me for who I am, because who I am is too much for you.
So you walked away.
Before you left, you tried to make me small so you could feel big.
I let you.
Until I just couldn’t lose myself in you anymore.
Who am I without you?
Whoever I want to be, no longer encumbered by the depths of you.
June Grace 