Not Settling

mouthSeeking connection

Hoping for a spark

Waiting for that feeling

That when it’s right

You just know

Wanting to be kissed

In that way

To feel

The way he made me feel

To have those emotions

Wash over me

Consume me

Feel so real

And raw

Then turn them into ever lasting

Maybe life has happened in this order

On purpose

Maybe I am supposed to keep seeking

What I try to find

Because if I never knew

It was out there to begin with

I would settle

Once you know though, you know

There’s no going back from there

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“Timing, That’s Often It”

stepsI met someone.

Tall and handsome, he charmed me right into saying yes to a date.

The moment our eyes locked when we sat down together on our first date, I could feel the chemistry between us.

We talked for hours and with each story we exchanged, we grew closer.

We left the bar and went for a walk. He offered me his jacket.

We stopped at a grand marble staircase.

“Would you like to sit?” he asks.

“Yes!”

So we sit. And not much time passes before he kisses me.

He kisses me and my breath falls away.

I am so absorbed in the sweetness of his kiss that I literally have to stop.

I press my hand to his chest, gently, and pull back to look into his eyes and I breathe again.

I lean in for another.

He touches my face, my neck, I can feel him breathe in my scent, his tongue is doing this thing, and it’s amazing.

It’s as though his kisses have overwhelmed my senses and none of it adds up.

How could a first kiss feel like that? So powerful, so intense.

It feels like my entire universe lights on fire, like the earth beneath us has shifted and in this moment absolutely nothing makes sense, yet everything makes sense, and it doesn’t matter.

I wasn’t expecting this.

I wasn’t expecting him.

Had he not kissed me, I probably would have left our first date happy, content, looking forward to another.

But this?

The sheer timing of it has left me questioning everything.

Fierce Heart

rosesI love fiercely

Often giving too freely

of myself.

In the hands

of the wrong person,

pieces of my heart

break apart.

I gave and gave.

And it wasn’t enough.

Still, he wanted more.

To the point I reached

where I had nothing left to give.

So I closed my heart off,

Saved myself from him.

It won’t stop me

from loving again.

Perhaps it should,

but it won’t.

Nothing can stop

this fierce heart of mine

from loving

and being loved.

Anew

heart nature

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does anyone ever really “start new”?

We all have a past, habits we’d rather not, a history that makes us who we are.

Starting new is a fallacy. Starting over, beginning again may be better descriptors.

We cannot move forward if we are still stuck in the past. The challenge is navigating the boundaries of where one ends and the other begins, and arriving at the optimal balance.

Maintaining who we are, staying grounded in our values, beliefs, our faith. Those are parts of ourselves that move on with us.

Letting go of insecurities, releasing ourselves from fear, trusting that we can jump and will be ok, these are not easy.

Changing the parts of ourselves we know we should, those require work, dedication, but it’s not as hard because it requires you to have faith in yourself, in your own abilities.

It’s trusting others, the ones who join you on this path.

That’s the hardest part when the place you came from is heartbreak.