Parenting

Reservation Theory

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

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Reservation theory — it’s the idea that you have to actively reserve or carve out time for yourself and personal well-being because if you’re burnt out or not healthy, you do no one any good.

It requires continual awareness. Constant self “check ins” and assessment of your reserves before deciding whether to take on something else. Should you say “yes” to one more thing?

I used to say yes to everything. I was the girl who baked gourmet cupcakes for the office parties, the Mom who volunteered for every event.

When I got sick, I had to learn to assess the value of saying yes and consider how it would impact my energy reserves. I hope the lesson sticks, and it helps to remind myself as well.

Would I rather bake sweets for my co-workers or ride my bike to the park with my son? Sometimes we get so bogged down saying yes, that we don’t weigh these choices side-by-side, assuming that we’ll somehow just do it all (usually sacrificing sleep).

Reserve your energy for what’s it can be best spent on, what matters most.

Hockey Mom

~ June Grace ~ 3 Comments

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I always knew I’d be a soccer mom. Sans minivan soccer mom that is. And last month, gearing up for futsal (indoor soccer) season, I found myself Googling “How are soccer shin guards supposed to fit?”

Turns out the six or so inches of shin my long-legged kid had exposed meant he’d outgrown his from the last field soccer season. So I ordered a youth medium (thanks, Amazon Prime!), except the medium was also too small, so then I ordered a youth large and we achieved the recommended amount of shin space that should be covered by the guards.

Fast forward to Spring season. Enter ice hockey.

I was rather surprised my son wanted to play. Ice hockey is hard as there’s a lot of coordination to master. But he begged to play, so I enrolled him in this awesome program the NHL does called Learn to Play. It’s a season of lessons for new players and they throw in head-to-toe gear, for free. That’s a huge savings for parents!

Today, the Google answer was “Boys aged five and up, reaching 4 feet 6 inches and 80 pounds should wear a cup 1 3/4 inches in depth.”

Yep, the Google question over lunch break today was “how to buy your son a cup”, which he refers to as a “penis protector”. As in, Hey Mom, can you please buy me a penis protector?

Next I suppose I’ll need to Google how to teach your son to wear an athletic supporter”. I did ask my boyfriend, hoping he would save me some time and add some giggles. He replied that it was very simple – you just strap it on.

Whatever it takes. Bring on the hockey. Momma’s got this!

Apology

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

apology

My ex never apologized to me.

When I think about that, it still makes my blood boil.

Don’t get me wrong, my life is amazing.

I’m happily divorced. If that’s a thing.

It was hard at first, but it got easier, then every aspect of my life got sweeter as time went by.

I love my life, I love my new partner, my son is happy, life is good.

But my ex still parents with me like everything is my fault. Like I’m the one who walked out the door with no plan. Like just because he found a nice girlfriend and flexible job and he wants everything to magically change to 50/50 and “fair” and “equal”, he should have it.

Life doesn’t work that way, and in our specific case, that’s not what’s best for our son, so co-parenting for us doesn’t work that way (or at all really?).

So here I am, left dealing with an ex who never apologized, refuses to take any responsibility for his part in our situation, and still continues to blame me for everything that happens.

Yep. Everything. No exaggeration needed.

Our son’s lunchbox is missing?
>>>>>> I’m a liar.

A school form was not scanned and sent to Dad?
>>>>> I’m a shitty Mom who should enjoy my hell.

I ask to borrow our son’s extra pair of soccer socks left at Dad’s house?
>>>> I’m a lazy mom who should do more laundry (and no, we can’t borrow his socks).

And on and on it goes. It doesn’t really matter what the context is. The only answers are (a) It’s my fault and (b) I did it intentionally to cause my ex harm because I’m a horrible person.

What’s funny (not haha funny) is that literally, my ex is the only person who knows me who would say anything negative about me as a mother.

How does that not just blow his mind?

I suppose because he probably never thinks about it.

He doesn’t consider how many people his behavior and bad choices have affected personally over the years. He doesn’t consider how many people – from family (both sides), friends, medical professionals, school staff, and others, who have witnessed him being a less than stellar person and father, first hand.

I know my ex loves our son. But love alone does not make someone a good parent.

And let’s get real. Everything is my fault.

He cheated because I wasn’t a good enough wife. It’s all my fault.

He lied because I was too difficult to talk to. Blame me for that.

He left because his life, a life most people would be grateful to live, didn’t make him happy. That’s my fault too.

If it weren’t for me, his life would be perfect.

What do I know. Maybe now his life is perfect, except he has to deal with me.

And as much as he wants to deflect his guilt, anger, and blame?

I’m not taking it on.

People who act the way he does don’t really change. They just get better at hiding the parts of themselves they don’t want others to see.

Summer Math Fun

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

Summer fun has begun. The kids are livin’ it up at day camp running around like goblin sharks, covered head-to-toe in mineral sunscreen, we’re hitting up the pool every chance we get to hone in on those swimming skills, and we’re also enjoying our travels and making the most of our vacation days.

You know what else happens in the summer?

The inevitable regression in studies from the school year. Just this week, I asked my son to sit down and write a birthday card for his grandma. He was hesitant to spell words I know he knows, his handwriting was atrocious, and his concentration was well, a challenge.

Enter Big Catch, a fun division board game.logicroots-82

I love the company’s mission – to make practicing math fun, and a family activity. Logic Roots designs its’ games with the goal of generating 20 times more math practice than the classroom, based on the idea that more practice = better math.

The goal of the Big Catch game is to save the lost fishermen by using division skills.

I noticed as we played that the concept of dividing up the fish and getting a remainder made sense and could sink in and help younger kids as part of an introduction to division. Or as was also the case for us, it served as a great reminder and memory boost for 10-year-olds.

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The fishing/water theme of Big Catch is perfect too, as we’re about to head out for a week at the lake, with our new board game in tow.

Check out the other math games Logic Roots sells on Amazon – there are games for every stage of your child’s learning and development and grade level. And free colorful division worksheets that you can download too.

“Division to your rescue!”

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This blog post was sponsored by Logic Roots to review their product(s). Please note that junegrace.com publishes posts from sponsors that may provide products and services and/or pay for placement, links, and reviews. June Grace only reviews products and services that are a good fit for the blog and hopes readers have the opportunity to learn about new brands. All opinions expressed are of the blog’s author, June Grace.

Appetite

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

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The divorce stress diet typically consists of coffee, wine, bourbon {oh wait, is that last one just me?}, and some crackers every couple of days.

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The custody trial appetite? It’s like being pregnant and preparing for your 8th month, devouring every chip and brownie and doughnut and slice of pizza in sight.

Gearin’ up.

Our Little Bubble

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

bubble

Sometimes when I daydream

My mind wanders to this place

Where we live in a bubble

Our own little world

Filled with our love, our lives, our kids

Everything we need to be happy

Missing from this bubble

Is the ominous presence of ex-spouses

Buzzing in the background of our lives

We wouldn’t be who we are today without them

It’s how our families began, how our children came to be

But we’re always tied by them

Even though our bond to each other transcends it

When the clash of it all starts to weigh on me

And I feel tugs at my heart

I dream up our little world and hang out there awhile

Our bubble

Our trouble

Messy Mantra

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

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Life once seemed so simple

It was never easy, never dull

But simple

Grappling with the drama that’s been infused into my life

Despite my best efforts to deflect

It feels like my energy is wasted

Accept it, take it on, I tell myself

Adjust to it

Messy is your new reality

Like it or not, it’s yours

Here to stay, it’s not going anywhere

Possibly it could go from messy to super messy

Best case scenario

But the simplicity of marriage, of raising a child in one home has slipped beyond anyone’s grasp

Messy was what was always to come

Embracing it is likely the only way through

When you can’t run

Too Busy

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

busy-underground

We live in a world where being busy can be so extreme that meeting all our commitments is literally impossible.

If only there were more hours in the day. If only our bodies didn’t need the restorative power of sleep. Yeah…

I used to think I was busy. I put my work obligations first because at that point in my life, when I was just starting out in my career, that was most important. Then I became a mom. I took it all in stride – I loved being a working mom and took pride in balancing it “all.”

It wasn’t until I received a complicated medical diagnosis that sucked up huge amounts of my time, energy, and well-being that I began to feel overwhelmed. I had no choice but to make changes in my life. I should probably make a lot more. Someday.

The fact is, we’re all busy. It’s the world we live in, combined in part with the expectations we hold for ourselves and the expectations of others.

Until we hold ourselves to a different standard, the cycle will perpetuate.

Kissy, Kissy – Why Modeling Affection Is Healthy for Kids

~ June Grace ~ Leave a comment

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Do you kiss your partner in front of your kids? I recently overheard a couple talking about how they don’t snuggle or hold hands in front of their kids and it made me feel kinda sad for them, and their kids.

How else are kids supposed to learn healthy models of affection between two loving adults?

When it comes to showing affection, such as giving hugs, snuggling, or holding hands, I want my son to know that expressing his emotions and showing affection for the people he loves is a good thing. It makes me happy to see him reach out and hug one of his buddies, or to watch him tell someone he cares about that he loves them.

Of course affection between kids is very different than affection between two adults, and children should never be made to feel excluded, but we can teach our children that too.

Children learn from what we teach them, but more than that, they learn from the behaviors they observe, what their parents model. Even when we think they aren’t paying attention, they usually are, and they pick up on subtle cues as well. Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, kids are always taking notes and emulating their parents and other adults they grow up around.

When I kiss my partner in front of the kids, in some ways it feels odd, because we are not married, we didn’t have children together, and yet, here are these kids (ours, but not ours) who look up to us. I hope they see two adults who love each other and express their care and emotions in a healthy way.

Kissy, kissy.